[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
in hot pursuit of the Pete Rozelle.
Ed.) He took one brief look at the nude bodies of Marshmallow and the human
and lizard Pierces, and then saw Daddy's image hovering somewhere above them.
"Shall we kill them immediately, sir?" asked a lieutenant, moving up to
Roosevelt's side.
"Hmmm," said Roosevelt, his ugly reptilian brow furrowed in consternation.
"I'll have to think about this for a minute. We seem to have what we in the
trade call a situation."
"In my trade we call it an orgy," said Daddy's image with an expression of
distaste.
"Look," said Pierce reasonably. "There's really a very simple explanation for
what's going on here."
"Shut up, female!" snapped Roosevelt.
"Well, maybe not so simple," amended Pierce. "But there is an explanation."
"Sir, we're waiting for our orders," persisted Roosevelt's lieutenant.
"Well, I suppose our first order of business is to kill General Pierce,"
responded Roosevelt.
"This will assure him of instant martyrdom, and we can say that he died in
battle and cover up his participation in this disgusting orgy and besides,
everyone else will move up a notch in rank."
He turned to the occupants of the Pete Rozelle. "Yes, I think that would be
best," he said, nodding his head. "Just turn the general over for drawing and
quartering, after we maybe roast him on a warm spit for a couple of days, and
we'll let the rest of you live for at least a few hours while I sort this
out."
Pierce turned to the Frank Poole android that was inhabited by the lizard
Pierce. "Well, General, it's been nice knowing you."
"What the hell are you talking about?" demanded the general. He pointed to
Marshmallow.
"That's the general, as any fool can plainly see.
"Who are you calling a fool?" bellowed Roosevelt. "More to the point, who are
you calling a general?" demanded Pierce.
"Just a minute," said Daddy, sounding very con-fused. "Are you trying to say
that this sorry-
looking lizard ain't the general?"
"Watch who yoah calling sorry-looking!" snapped Marshmallow.
"SILENCE!" roared Pierce-Arro from within the computer.
Suddenly all eyes turned to the main panel.
"All this is giving me a headache," continued Pierce-Arro. "It's got to stop."
"I'm open to suggestions," said Captain Roosevelt. "We have come to that point
in the adventure where we must all put our cards on the table," said
Pierce-Arro. "Yeah?" said Daddy sarcastically. "Well, to do that, computer,
you got to be playing with a full deck."
"To begin with, Revered One," said Pierce-Arro, "I'm not a computer."
"And I suppose the next thing you're gonna do is tell me that the general
ain't a lizard."
"That is correct, my possible Lord," said Pierce-Arro. "In point of fact, the
lizard that you see before you happens to be your own flesh and blood, which
is theologically staggering in its implications."
"He ain't even my own skin and scales!" snapped Daddy. "I don't know why I'm
wasting my time with you loonies."
"It's quite true, sir," put in Pierce. "I am Millard Fillmore Pierce, Class 2
Arbiter in command of the Pete Rozelle."
Page 68
ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html
"Cut the crap, Emmyjane," said Daddy.
"Test me," challenged Pierce.
"How much is four times three?" said Daddy suddenly.
"Twelve," replied Pierce.
"Spell cat."
"C-A-T."
Daddy's eyebrows did a little dance in the vicinity of his hairline. "Okay so
you're Pierce.
Now where the hell is my Emmyjane?"
"Closer than you think," said Marshmallow.
"You mean they weren't kidding?" said Daddy. He turned to the Frank Poole
android. "And you're really the general?"
"You're getting nothing from me but my name, rank and serial number," said the
general.
"Shut up and let me think!" said Daddy. He turned to Pierce's body. "Okay.
Now, who's this here little wimp?"
"Your ever-loyal XB-223 navigational computer at your service," said the
computer. "Though now that I have a body, I think I need a fitting name to
accompany it."
You do, do you?"
The computer nodded. "I know it's not much of a body, and it's undernourished
as hell and its gums are in terrible condition, but it's the only body I
happen to have at the moment, and I would appreciate everyone calling it
Sylvester Schwarzenegger from now on."
The Pete Rozelle suddenly shuddered.
"All right, what the hell was that?" demanded the lizard Pierce.
"Beats the hell out of me," admitted the human Pierce.
"A ship named the Mahatma Gandhi has just landed a shuttle near us, and its
commander is now coming aboard," announced Pierce-Arro.
"We're getting away from the point," interjected Captain Roosevelt, "said
point being: what the hell is going on here?"
"Now that we're all through with these trivial revelations," said Pierce-Arro,
"I am prepared to make every-thing crystal-clear."
"What the hell's so trivial about turning my daughter into a lizard?" demanded
Daddy. "She's probably going to want a whole new wardrobe now."
"I have examined XB-223's equations, and I can assure you that this is a
temporary situation, easily alleviated. However, we have a more important
problem to cope with."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
