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to change Brian s mind. Can t you at least stay for a little while? He glanced over at Ethan,
not surprised to see the younger man sound asleep.
Coming around the end of the bed, Brian sat next to Pete. I d love to hold the two of
you and fall asleep, but you know it isn t possible, at least not yet.
Pete wanted to argue, but there was something in Brian s big brown eyes that stopped
him. There was a sadness there Pete had never seen before. For the first time since they d
started messing around, Pete believed Brian when he said he didn t want to leave. What
would it be like to straddle two worlds and not find true contentment in either of them?
Leaning in, Pete gave Brian a gentle kiss. He pulled back and smiled. I m sorry you
have to go, but I understand.
Do you?
Pete nodded and cupped Brian s cheek in his palm. I know you think you ll lose the
respect of your son if you open up to him about me, about the three of us, but I wonder how
long you can continue to lead two lives.
Benny ll be off to college in a couple of years& , Brian began.
Yeah, and he ll still be your son. If you re ashamed to let him see who you really are
now, don t expect it to change two years down the road.
Brian shook his head. It s not that I m ashamed.
TO SERVICE AND PROTECT Carol Lynne
46
Really? Because that s what it feels like to me. I mean, you ve already come out of the
closet. Hell, you moved to Cattle Valley. Yet you re still living in fear that your son will find
out you have a male lover. Pete glanced at Ethan. Or two.
Brian stood with a troubled sigh. I understand what you re saying. I m just not ready
to throw my sexuality in his face. He s still mourning the loss of his mother for Christsake.
Brian bent over the bed and placed a soft kiss on Ethan s lips. Tell him I m sorry I
couldn t stay.
Pete tilted his chin up for another kiss from Brian. You can tell him in a few hours
when we pick you up for target practice.
Brian gave Pete a short nod. I ll call you.
Pete didn t try to stop Brian as he slowly walked out of the room. Brian was the only
one who had the ability to take control of his life, and Pete knew there was nothing he could
say to change that.
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47
Chapter Five
Sleep hadn t come for Brian once he made it home. He d spent the entire morning
staring at the ceiling thinking about what Pete had said. A noise from downstairs told him
Benny was finally up. Maybe telling Benny was like ripping off a bandage, better to just hold
your breath and get it over with as quickly as possible. With that in mind, he texted Pete to
let him know he d be spending the day at home. He hated the thought of not going on the
planned outing with Ethan and Pete, but if things worked out the way he hoped, they d all
be better off.
He threw off the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, wishing he d been able to at
least get a few hours of sleep. Brian waited for his head to clear before he stood and crossed
to his dresser. He pulled on his normal Sunday clothes of sweatpants and a T-shirt and made
his way downstairs.
When he entered the kitchen, Brian could tell immediately there was something wrong
with Benny. He assumed his son had heard him leave during the night which also meant he
probably heard him return. Hope I didn t wake you last night. I got a call about a prowler.
Benny barely acknowledged Brian. You didn t. Benny poured more cereal into his
bowl.
Brian walked over and started to make a pot of coffee, the stronger the better.
Something wrong? he asked over his shoulder, pouring the water into the coffeemaker.
You mean other than the fact that I m sixteen and you re still treating me like a baby?
Spinning around, Brian faced his son. What the hell s that supposed to mean? Didn t I
let you go to Chase s party two nights ago?
Yeah, after calling his mom and checking up on me twice.
Brian bit back his anger and turned around to finish preparing the coffee. Once the
aromatic liquid started pouring into the pot, he approached the table and sat across from his
son. I know you feel as though you re grown up, but you re only sixteen. I m not saying
you re a baby, but you still have a lot of learning to do before I can just let you go off on your
own. Believe me, son, I ve seen what can happen when parents fail to supervise their
children, and I want more for you than that.
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I don t know what you want from me, Dad. I get good grades, I ve never even tried
drugs, and I moved here for you. Benny shook his head and continued. But none of that
seems good enough for you. I feel like you re constantly waiting for me to screw up.
Brian rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. How had he let his relationship with
Benny deteriorate to this point? I m sorry you feel that way. It s not true, ya know? No
parent could ask for a better son. I m sorry if I ve made you feel differently.
Tell him. Before Brian could open his mouth, Benny hit him between the eyes with a
question.
Did you really love Mom?
What? Of course I did. Brian felt the sting of tears that always accompanied thoughts
of Leigh. Your mom was the love of my life and nothing will ever change that.
But how can you claim to be gay if you loved a woman? Wouldn t that make you
bisexual? Benny asked, clearly trying to understand.
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