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3 November
Dr Van Helsing is here. Although he has turned quite grey since his poor wife's death,
and has a certain frailty about him, his vigorous spirit seems to bring our whole house to
life! Quincey adores him.
He expressed great concern over my injury, but I explained it was an accident. I do not
wish to dwell upon it. Jonathan is the one in need of his expertise.
Over dinner (at which I was content to sip consomme and wine) Jonathan seemed
more his normal self, and the evening was so pleasant that I did not want us to touch on
our reasons for calling our friend at all. It was almost possible to believe that nothing had
happened! But Van Helsing is too shrewd to let anything pass him by. After the meal,
when Elena had gone to Quincey and the three of us were alone in the drawing room, he
said, 'Now, my friends, we have endured too much together for this reticence. I know you
would not call me so urgently without cause. You may speak frankly and freely. What
troubles you?'
He said this with a charming but knowing smile. I was ready to begin, to spare my
husband's feelings, but to my surprise Jonathan spoke first. 'I don't know where to start.
We have no specific cause for concern, such as we had with Lucy. I have been
suffering... dreams, nightmares, delusions. How foolish you must think us to drag you
here for something so trivial!'
Jonathan paced about as he spoke, and his cheeks were pale. Van Helsing, watching
him, replied gravely, 'On the contrary, a matter that so clearly distresses you cannot be
trivial. And even if it is, so? It is still my dearest wish to aid you! What manner of dreams
are these?'
'Horrible . .. oppressive.'
'I have been troubled too,' I said, almost forgetting the pain of my lip in my eagerness
to speak. 'Though not as sorely as my husband. I fear that our second journey to
Transylvania was unwise. It seems to have stirred bad memories.'
'But your memories were more fresh the first time,' said Van Helsing. 'Why not the
bad dreams then? Why now?'
I said, 'I think it would save time if I showed you my journal.'
'Mine, too,' Jonathan said heavily. So we fetched our notebooks - we had not read each
other's, so I don't know what his said - and waited patiently while Van Helsing read them.
The recollection of certain events made me blush, but I suppose they were best disclosed.
Van Helsing showed no sign of embarrassment as he read. In fact, at one or two points,
he smiled! I was mortified, though naturally I hid it. I suppose he knows so much of life,
nothing can shock him.
When he finished, Jonathan spoke more easily, as if relieved of the burden of
explaining from the beginning.
'I have acted as a beast towards my wife,' he said in a raw, desperate tone. 'I have done
something terrible, used her savagely. But why, I don't know, cannot remember. It is all
through a thickness of dark glass, as if I were drugged, or fevered.'
I said quickly, 'I have told Jonathan many times, he has not hurt me. He did nothing
that was. .. in any way unnatural between a married couple.'
Van Helsing looked so keenly at me that I blushed. 'It seems that you remember more
than your husband, Madam Mina. Have you any theories?'
'Only as I wrote; a fever, the weather, the worry of Quincey's health..."
Van Helsing shook his head with a rather grim smile. 'You have seen enough of the
supernatural to know that it exists as firm and solid as Nature; yet still you cling to the
rational, the English explanation! But this is commendable. Dismiss the rational before
you look to the irrational.'
'Well, what should we do?' Jonathan said angrily. 'Spend a week at the seaside to see if
a holiday cures us? Quincey is not well enough to travel!' He sank down on to a chair.
'Forgive me, Professor. But I am at my wits' end. Mina doesn't deserve this.'
Van Helsing was contemplative. How wonderfully calm he is! 'You say you cannot
remember certain matters. Is this blockage of your own making, one of denial, or
something else? There is a way to find out, if you will permit me. I would like to
hypnotize you, Jonathan.'
I saw my husband start back, his eyes so wild I thought he would dismiss the idea out
of hand. But after a moment he lowered his head and sighed. 'Of course. Do what you
must.'
Van Helsing hypnotized me often, when we were pursuing our enemy to his lair, and
while Dracula's hold over me -his vile blood mingled with mine! - made a link between
his mind and mine. The process holds no fear for me. But Jonathan was uneasy, even
when Van Helsing had made him comfortable and made the usual passes in front of his
eyes. Jonathan seemed to resist. But at last I saw him relax and sink back into the chair,
seeming more peaceful than he has in days.
The atmosphere was thick and close; the deep brown of the walls and curtains a
stifling barrier against the night, the gas lamps hot, dim globes. I have become too
sensitive to such atmospheres; they afflict me constantly.
'I want you to think back, Jonathan,' Van Helsing began, soft and grave. 'You are safe,
so the memory cannot hurt you. You are in bed beside Mina. You feel a strange impulse
come upon you; all seems dark and unreal, as if you dream yet do not sleep.'
Jonathan frowned and uttered a moan.
'Tell me what is happening.'
'I hear ... I hear the wings of bats all around me. I can hear voices sighing, but nothing
is there! A black wind is whirling tighter and tighter around me ... I cannot escape, I lie
paralysed, not even wanting to resist. No! It's too late! He's inside me!'
These words sounded so forlornly eerie that I shivered. Van Helsing spoke soothingly.
'Who is inside you?'
'Dracula.'
As he spoke the name, the whole room seemed to jolt and wheel around me. I think I
knew that Jonathan was going to say it. Yet when he did, it came as a deep and violent
shock, a wrenching of my whole being. I said nothing, lest I distract Van Helsing and
ruin the hypnotism.
'How do you know it is him?'
I simply know. I am him. He is me. I see Mina lying beside me, her face so beautiful
beside me in me soft wash of moonlight through the curtain .. . Ah no, no. I cannot let
him . . . but I cannot stop him! He must possess her. He laughs and I cannot stop him
because he controls me.'
Van Helsing's face was impassive. 'Does he speak to you? Tell you anything?'
Jonathan paused. His eyes were closed but his face worked in a way that was terrible
to see. 'He tells me nothing. He only possesses me . .. but I feel him mocking me. As if to
say, "You think you have vanquished me but I can never die." And then Dracula uses my
body to - to ravish my wife!'
I shuddered. Van Helsing said, quickly and calmly, 'And when it is over?'
'He leaves. I am myself again. Knowing I have committed a terrible sin. That we both
have!' To my horror, Jonathan opened his eyes and pointed at me. 'She knows! She
knows that it was Dracula who ravished her, not her husband! She knew and she did not
fight. She allowed it!'
I rose to my feet and stood there, so shocked I could not move. Van Helsing gave me a
swift glance and began to bring Jonathan out of the trance. 'You will wake now. There is
nothing to fear. You feel at peace ..."
Jonathan sat up suddenly, then leaned forward and dropped his face on to his hands,
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