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you know that. But I realize now maybe I should have somehow found the time
to talk to you.
I know you were busy, Bud. I m not a child. But that s the problem right
there. You seem to think I am a child. A sick child, to boot. I wasn t in any way
consulted about where I should be taken to be safe. Did it even occur to you that
I spent 5 years essentially locked up in a compound in Switzerland with armed
guards? I had an armed escort every time I left the compound for a walk. I hated
every second I spent there. I felt as if I were in prison for a crime I didn t commit.
I told my father repeatedly that I hated it, but he couldn t seem to hear me. Just
like when I speak to you, you can t hear me. It made him feel better to know that
I was there, so that was it.
Goddamned right it made him feel better! Bud said heatedly. Anger
moved in him, hot and slick. You were Goddamned kidnapped by a man with a
Goddamned gun and a knife and your father was supposed to just let you go
stay where you wanted without protecting you? The memory of a bald-headed,
sick, fragile Claire shivering in his arms made his anger blossom. Do you even
realize what Gavett could have done to you if I hadn t happened along?
Of course I realize what could have happened. What I m saying is that
locking me up for five years wasn t the answer. Just like locking me up for four
days wasn t the answer. There are plenty of places I could have gone, where Paul
Carson couldn t have found me.
Oh, right. The anger was rising with each word she spoke. Claire Parks,
who s never lived on her own, who s spent maybe five minutes not under her
father s wing, is all of a sudden this great expert at evading an international
mobster. He d have been on your tail in five seconds, tops. He was a monster,
Claire. Smart and ruthless. You wouldn t have stood a chance. You have no idea
what the outside world is like, what a man like Carson was capable of. No
notion. He was getting all heated up at the thought of her trying to outwit
someone like Carson who had immense financial and human resources at his
disposal coupled with utter ruthlessness. Carson would have tortured her to
death without blinking an eye. He would even have enjoyed it. Just the thought
of that, of Claire at a sadistic monster s mercy had Bud breaking out into a sweat.
Goddammit, Claire, you shouldn t even be let out loose! Look at you! First night
out on the town and you fucked the first guy you met at The Warehouse! How
stupid was that?
It was a mistake. He knew it, could feel it was a mistake even as he said the
words, but they came tumbling out in his exhaustion and anger. The words
reverberated in the little room, harsh and stark. He couldn t call them back.
Claire had gone bone white. She watched his eyes for a long moment, then
her slender shoulders slumped in despair.
Tears glittered in her eyes, but she didn t shed them. I knew what I was
doing. I knew who I was choosing and I didn t make a mistake. I chose you and,
at the time, I was right. But in the end I did make a mistake. I thought you really
loved me. But you can t love me, Bud, and have that opinion of me. That I m a
stupid, careless, spoiled child who needs looking after. She bit her lips. They d
gone bloodless. I fought too hard and too long to be able to have the chance to
live long enough to become an adult to have that taken away from me now. You
don t trust me, and I don t want to have to fight for that trust. I ll ask one of the
officers guarding me to take me home.
She glanced at his fist, curled around her engagement ring. Maybe the
jeweler will take that ring back, she whispered. I won t be wearing it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
January 5th The Pavilion lunchroom Portland
So& Claire said, and sniggered. You re married. You were single, not
even dating, last time I looked. I turn my head for one second and bam! You re
married without even an engagement in between. That was quick.
Claire studied the enormous diamond wedding ring on Suzanne s left hand,
a different shape and a different setting, but just as beautiful and overdone in its
way as her own engagement ring had been. She ruthlessly repressed that
thought. For all the good it did her. She thought of Bud about 23 hours a day.
The other hour she slept. Badly.
It was quick. Suzanne looked at the ring, too, in bemusement, and threw
Claire a helpless how-did-this-happen? look. I don t know, Claire. It s all sort of a
blur. First I m running for my life, then I m holed up in a mountain cabin
somewhere, then I m surrounded by FBI agents and then the next thing I know
I m in the registrar s office, getting married. She looked slightly shell-shocked.
Whenever I imagined getting married, I always thought it would be after a
long, calm engagement, where I got to know the man well. We d have similar
tastes. Take a trip or two together to see if we re compatible while traveling.
Maybe even live together for a while. I never thought I d find myself married to a
man I ve known& Suzanne counted the days off, the wedding ring casting
blinding lights as she moved her hand, & fifteen days. She looked appalled as
she met Claire s eyes. I ve only known John for fifteen days. And we ve been
married for six of them. Suzanne shook her head helplessly. Amazing.
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